burning the visions

October 2, 2026

well.. "shi-ut"... where to begin on the story everyone's been sittin', waitin', wishin', never knowin'.

it actually started up north, working remotely from home. budget + cost of living? nightmare. a 95lb dog that just started a raw diet out of necessity for health reasons? we don't care how much it costs. priorities.

well, good luck. the boss stepped up and said "last minute trip to dubai but y'all can live in our rental and we don't have pto in our policy so good luck moving while we're gone." eh, we'll figure it out somewhere along the way maybe. "surely you can't be serious." "i am serious, and don't call me shirley."

so we moved to one of our favorite hiking destinations in the world just a few hours south. 2 weeks in, no internet. we're goin' outside anyway. somethin' wasn't right though, but it was too late. a year lease and a stable job? just make it work somehow. summer was f***ing hot. fall was the best.

then came winter. not bad though thanks to climate change. hot water? gone. heat? also gone. maintenance requests? still pending. yep. just the heat though. water got fixed in the aftermath.

now what happened? just the classic "medical leave? not here. you seem fine. go back home. we can't have you here. make your accommodation requests more 'reasonable' and we'll have a meeting to determine if that works for us." deadass? "no, nevermind. you're fired. here's your termination letter and an eviction notice." why? "you can't live there if you don't work here. you don't work here anymore." isn't that illegal? "oh, forgot to mention your work email is deleted too so best of luck." evidence? gone. witness? only driggs. and the "close friends" story. whatever. hated the place anyway. moving on.

file for unemployment. denied. "you quit." i did not. "your story is just not valid without proof." well shit. moving on. driggs? to the vet. terminal. a rare disease. how much time left? *shoulder shrug* "up to you." ya tu sabes.

valentine's day: a mixed bag

nope. not one "galentine's." maybe 1 a few years ago but he wasn't invited. what we did have though (different years of course, not all at once. thankfully), was a cheating ex anniversary, the anniversary of stoneman douglas, and 2 ex friend breakups.

however, we also had her first open mic in years, and bad bunny halftime show on blast with a new crochet project in the works, and the dog yakkin' on a bone. winning.

other than it being entirely slip knots. she watched one youtube short. said "i got this. no further instructions needed." winning.

got dressed up just for the day and went on a ride to catch the sunset. winning.

panic attacks on replay nonstop. 3 days. only when awake.

crystals, rocks & heels

she was a lil woo woo but everybody relates a lil. meds? out. alright we put it to the test and all we can say is it worked. meditation. breathwork. long flute note. rocks in hand and in pockets. out like a light.

smoke cleanse

google confirmed too. antiseptic smoke. energy clearing as a whole. deep smudge. fans on. windows open for 24hrs. no smoke alarm alerts. driggs? the lame horse? in the same room at all times. on watch. equally freaked and confused.

the tv slideshow

"hey mom, you should rip some pink floyd out there." or just meditate... double rainbow? double good. in the desert? triple great. the ashes? hail naw. respect for places he never went.

that damn horse

the childhood fav. the one on repeat all weekend. with the childhood blanket. "mom can you help me with my eyebrows?" of course, how? "like this":

a token of gratitude

the closest relic she could find on amazon for a quick and cheap delivery. a celebration for finding the inner child again. separated at... a time she can't remember.

we don't care how "childish" it seems. the message still stands. best movie ever made. appropriate for all ages. especially adults.

he made a few trips in the car tagging along for "protection," along with everything else besides a gun. who gives a rip. the viking axe is just decorative. stayed in the car. for firewood. always ready for the impromptu camp trip. yes, even on a work night. up with the sun, toiletries packed, who cares?

the beginning of the aftermath

the golf cart

2 weeks later. a godsend for "bolth." her mistake? left it outside not charging, in front not back easy access day 1. excuse her? overtime, half dead on a cane with a lame work horse. day 2 great. day 3 where is it. never seen or used again.

the single affirmation

post it. not sticky anymore? rewrite. post. repeat as necessary. yup, until it sticks. did it fix anything? nothing but the mindset.

post work snugs

special priviledges lost due to inability to walk. him, not the intruder. extra long snuggles immediately until dinner. both of us. we eat together. that's the rule. just those two. everyone else? whatever. whenever, wherever *insert red dress emoji*

cut it off

laundry day. get over it. the birthday dress. off-the-shoulder mesh sleeves. hot outside. overstimulated. "let's cut it." make it sexier. feel better. disabilities are hot. especially invisible ones.

keep the old, hold it, skelley?

skelley. 2nd best. even when the hurricane winds knock her over. just sit her back up again. bikini on? hell yeah. in the flower bush though so the signature bucket hat didn't blow away. getting baked in the desert sun every day. living the dream.

neighbors across the street? followed suit. skelley's naked boyfriend. afraid in the wind. had to tie him down. always waved "hello?"

king size luxury

the actual bed? a gift. the bedding? a new gift. best sleep ever for 2 months. well, 1 month for him. went to storage. sold everything except all of this.

and the vintage record player console table with 2 broken legs that she hasn't refurbished yet. and a few cookbooks. and a box of pantry food. and a few things that never sold.

everything else? in the car. except *some* camping gear...

homeless? nomadic? car/van life? does it matter? livin' the dream. any way you look at it.

ending on a good note...

equine therapy

just like the old days. and barrel racing in arizona. for the win once again. just the warm up to check our skills. trail ride? hell yeah.

the other non negotiables

the dreamcatcher(s)? permanent resident. hat? left in the sun on the dash for weeks. shrunk. resize + personal addition. a splurge in jackson hole the week before moving south. along with a thrifted hand.

"back to work"

a gifted hotel. points, no money. around the neck for show. she can't do turtlenecks either. just one of many ways to wear it. photo op. necklaces only. no chokers. claustrophobic? nah. just don't tie her up to anything.